Sometimes, we do things that are just so dumb that afterwards we wonder just what the hell were we thinking. This is one of those times…
A few weeks ago I had to go in to the office to work on a Saturday (yuck!) and, to make it worse, it was the first day that temperatures around our neck of the woods had hit 70 degress since last September – a period of almost nine months. I decided that I’d at least celebrate the weather by taking the Wing in to work so I got myself all suited up, jumped on the bike, eagerly turned the key on, pressed the starter button, and…. nada. No lights – not even so much as a “click”. Dead battery. But shoot, I really, really, really, wanted to ride today so I went ahead and hitched up the jumper cables to my car and fired up the Wing figuring that, by the time I rode the 20 miles or so into the office, the battery would gain enough of a charge to get it going when I was done at work. But, being as I’m not the complete idiot that some might make me out to be – particularly after reading this posting – I threw the jumper cables into the trunk. Just in case.
So I leap on the now smoothly idling bike and head out the driveway. I’m about a mile down the road when I notice that I don’t have enough fuel to get to work and back. Dang it! Fortunately, just a couple more miles down the road is a service station so I pull in there for fuel. After filling the tank I climb back on, turn the key and, yep, you guesed it – the engine groaned over about twice and that was it. Dang it again!
Well, shoot. I look around furtively and realize that it’s a pretty big parking lot, there’s not much traffic at the moment, and it’s just slightly downhill from the pump. So I figure – get this – that I’ll push start the bike…. Yeah. I know. What the heck was I thinking? Anyway, I put it into second gear, turn the key on, start running alongside of the bike while pushing it and, when I’m going about as fast as this tired old body has moved in the last 20 years, I pop the clutch figuring that I’ll yank it back in as soon as the engine fires….
Uh, huh…. Yeah, sure… The Wing starts instantly (like a good Wing should) and before I can even think of pulling the clutch back in, it drags me along like a small boy with a large dog on a leash for a few feet before I manage to let go of everything and drop to the ground like a full sack of cement (thank my stars for ATGATT). So there I am laying belly down on the asphalt while fruitlessly reaching forward for my poor Wing which is now on it’s own and tooling away from me like a horse headed for the feed trough. Fortunately, after a couple of feet, the bike decides that horizontal is preferable to vertical and falls on it’s side.
I pick myself up and assess my personal damage – skinned left knee inside of my riding pants – road rash about the size of a nickle. Slightly sprained left ankle and even more slightly pulled right shoulder. Oh, and of course, my pride has fled like a sunny day in the Pacific Northwest. Now to check out the Wing – Hey! No damage at all other than a few scratches on the engine and saddlebag protectors – thank you, Mother Honda.
A bystander quickly runs over to see if I’m OK and kindly offers to help me right side the Wing but I manfully (and before my various aches and pains would preclude such an act) grab it, and quickly demo my one person Wing lift which is suitably impressive enough to someone who doesn’t know the trick to restore the tiniest shred of my dignity. I then proceed to beg and grovel my personal bystander for a jump which the kindly fellow gives me – and which is what I should have done in the first place.
So, what lessons have I learned from this episode? I’m quite capable of lifting the Wing onto its sidestand by myself. Jumper cables are a fine thing to have, when you need them, but a good battery is much more convenient. There’s always a crowd when you do something stupid. After your wife finds out you’re not seriously hurt she’s going to laugh at hell at you if you tell her what you’ve done. And, of course, never try to push start a Wing by running alongside of it…
Ride safe,
Zippo and jax

















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